Thank you for your prayers & update on last 48 hours

Let me start by saying Thank you to everyone for their prayers.

Our little Andrew was born(still) last night at 11:01PM  he is now in heaven with his brother Samuel & his grandpa watching over them. Andrew was only 21 weeks.  he measured 11" long and looked perfect. He looked just like we saw him in our ultrasound pictures just 2 short weeks ago.

Going back 48 hours. on Tuesday, I went to work. I was sitting at my desk, & felt a gush of warm water. I headed to bathroom. & it was a BIG gush.  that I couldn't control. like my water breaking. I called my doctors office & they advised they were busy & for me to go to the L&D dept at the hospital & the on call doc would see me.  We went, the on call doc did a swab test & said that I didn't have any amniotic fluid,  but had no explanation of what hte gush was. The on call doc, was much older  & seemed knowledgeable. The on call doc from my office never came over, nor did anything. They did doppler & got a 150 HB and sent me home said everything was okay.  So i stayed home the rest of the day & worked from home. ( got a lot done too ).
During the early hours of Wednesday I started having "surges" that weren't relieved by moving around. but not consistent. I got up & got ready for work. Went in, when I got to work, I started writing the surges down. hmmm. 6-9 mins apart. I called the office where I knew MY DOC would be at & they said I could come in at 2:30 pm.  I got there at 2pm. The nurse on the phone, said you are just probably having braxton-hicks & not used to them.   OKAY!  When I finally got to see my doc, he did doppler & HB was 150. hmm same as yesterday, but he did not like the discharges I was having.& I was 2cm dialated & thinned out.  He called the Maternal Fetal specialists & had me go to the hospital to get an ultrasound & checked out by MFS. I drove straight there ( still have contractings 6 mins apart ) Hubs met me there. The ultrasound showed no amniotic fluid & drew's HB was now in the 90's. My doc admitted me for observation & to put me on antibiotics, and bed rest under supervision.  I got put on monitors to watch  my contractions, Hypnobirthing works!! They were so sure I wasn't contracting, cuz I wasn't acting all crazy & hyper when I had contractions.(like the ladies in rooms around me)  So after a couple of hours in a small L&D room. we got transferred to a larger/more descreet, out of the way. L&D/Mother Baby room.  By this time it was 8pm. we had nothing with us & not eaten. I sent hubs home ( 1.5 hours round trip ) to take his truck home  & get a ride back & pick us up toiletries & clothes. He left about 8:30. When i got in the new room, I was monitored for aabout 20mins & then the nurse said. .I will take the monitor off, but I want you to tell me when they are getting closer & more intense. so about 9pm I started writing down the times. Whoa... 3 mins apart.  about 9:45 I asked to be checked ( the first time while at the hospital )  to my surprise she said. let me get the doc. I was 4 cm & she said with this early, I wouldn't being going to 10.  Everything was getting more pressure... so I asked for some pain relief -mild-mild-mild to take the edge off it. I got some stadol put in my iv. I got really relaxed & called hubs at about 10:15 & said you better get here soon.  He got back to teh room at 10:30pm. the doc came to check me & said he'd be back in a few.. to check me.. he came back about 10:55 & nicely he didn't get all garbed up.. he checked me & said.. when you are ready I want you to bear down.. w/ one push Andrew was here. They showed us Andrew right away. The way the doc explained it, is w/ no fluid. he was essentially suffocated in the womb.  why he was so blue. The doc also said  that the baby smelled foul, so the theories are 1) baby got an infection that caused water to break.  2) water broke, don't know why, & baby got infection from being so long w/ no water.
The doc who delivered us, ordered more antibiotics & informed us we'd probably be here( hospital) for a few days for IV antibiotics. We also had white blood cell counts done & those were high..  so all day today(thursday) i've been on 3 doses of antibiotics.. running simultanious & doses getting higher as I finish each one( they are staggered)  I'm also getting Pitocin to help my uterus shrink. since I was not near term, they say my body will not create oxytocin to shrink it naturally.

The staff while I've been hospitalized has been super nice. The night nurse that delivered us. Brought us some brochures beforehand about stillborns  & miscarriage & all the decisions we would have to make. Once the baby was born. she took him, cleaned him up, dressed him in a homemade gown & cap. she made footprints for us. She also took pictures of him in his out fit & all his features. fingers, toes, his cute nose.  She & the doc encouraged us to hold him, he is in a bassinet in the baby area attached to our room. We both cried, seeing him. he looks much bigger than he felt, but he was all fully perfectlly formed.   we willl have genetic testing done, but I assume will come back with nothing as did his brother sammy. It's nice, cuz the nurses caring for me, have all shared with me their stories of their losses. They have all been caring & sympathetic. 

surgery & miscarriage.

First of all, it's 3am and I can't sleep. I assume partly due, to the fact, that hubs is still out plowing & I miss his warmth in the bed.

When I was at the doctor & found out a week ago, that peanut  no longer had a heartbeat, I was devastated.

The next night, I had visions that my dad had greeted him ( I think it's a boy) in heaven, and was rocking him to sleep.  It was comforting to know that peanut was not alone. It was also comforting to know that coming up on the anniversary of his passing, that I had given my dad a gift of a grandchild, that he could enjoy in heaven. 

When I scheduled my surgery, a weel ago, there was a 10% chance of snow that day. Hubs said, go for it. It was the only that my doctor had available, as he is leaving out of town after that.  As the day got closer the % of snow got greater & greater. I started to worry, not about me, but logistics of getting to the hospital. Hubs, is 100% dedicated to his company & if I wanted would have put everything on the line ( like loosing customers ) to come & be with me at the hospital, but I made the choice to ask someone else to take me. I told hubs that the safety of others was more important than him holding my hand. Hub, plow a very busy, rehab facility, surgical center, and an old folks home. This has turned out to be a very big & bad snow storm for it being our first one.. He's been out plowing & in the truck for 15 hour now. Which is very unusual. I feel bad that I am not with him, but doctors orders. I felt totally helpless not even being able to shovel a path for my sister coming over last night. Hubs came & checked on me when i got home & I was alone for about an hour span. 

Our sweet doctor had just called him too & done a recap with him of everything that went on. The doctor knowing I was scared, cuz hubs wasn't there, said a prayer over me, & held my hand before he began surgery. It was the last thing I remembered before going out. I will see him in 2 weeks to get results & find out for sure what peanut was( gender).

Until then I get to pray  & wonder, what would peanut have been, what color would his hair been, would he look like more me or hubs.

What would he ended up being? For now I am comforted that little peanut, is being comforted by papa R in heaven.