We met with Fr. Paul, 5 days before David's funeral. Fr. Paul is a young priest, ordained 3 years ago. He has the gift to have clear & concise homilies, that everyone "gets".
When we met with him, he asked how we were doing. He said that he didn't want to pick any readings from the "normal" funeral readings, he said those are geared for persons who have lived a long life. I relinquished all mass preparation to him. It was nice to not have to worry about it.
So then he started asking questions about what he would like the homily to be about. He said, since David's time here was not measured in months & years; he said normally I meet with the family & they tell me stories about the deceased so I have something to elaborate on, whether they liked fishing, or a sport, or a favorite devotion, or etc. Since their were not stories like that to expand on. So we talked about our thoughts & what would like relayed about David's life.
We explained to him ahead of time, that we were at Peace. I explained the conversation we had early on with our doctor, that if we did everything that our doctors asked of us, no matter what the outcome, we would have no regrets. I said I am at peace. I said I knew I did everything possible to keep David safe, but there is just something unknown about why I keep losing my children. I told him that 1 in 160 births end in stillborn, but most people hide their loss, or grief. We explained that many people that are going to be there, still don't get how we can be at "peace" with losing our child & not knowing WHY that happened.
Fr. Paul reminded the 2 of us, that we could be mad, & he encouraged us to be mad, but always talk to god about it, pray to him, keep loving our spouse, talk to each other, pray with each other. But never be mad at each other. He reminded us that we always have each other.
Since we were only having a funeral mass, we had about 1/2 hour before mass started to gather in the vestibule to greet family & friends. We told Fr. Paul, that we would have a couple of pictures of David for people to see, so that they could visually see he was a normal looking baby..perfect looking. So many people choked up, because he looked so perfect.. We also had 2 pictures, Happy pictures, of hubs & I both holding them. Fr. Paul, said people need to see that you aren't sad.
Flowers from coworkers
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When Fr. Paul speaks; he often closes his eyes, and the words just flow so eloquently. He did not have anything written on paper. He spoke from the heart. A few people asked us afterwards, did you see the priest closed his eyes, I said yes.. that's how I know it's truly from the heart.
Flowers from some lovely bloggers!!
( this is not the exact homily, since Father does not write it down, it all flowed eloquently from his lips, so this is my summary of his homily )
So he started with David, the beloved one.
Everyone here is because David touched their heart in some way.
Some of you may question WHY? Why David, why M&K ?
Why David, Andrew & Samuel?
It's natural to wonder Why, but we may never know why. We know he was chosen to be a Saint.
He explained that their may never be an answer to Why. He explained that Faith allows us to accept the unknown.
Our time with a loved one is never guaranteed.
He talked about the medical community, and doing the best they can, and that sometimes their are situations that are not explainable.
He then said, When I talked to M&K they said they know David is in Heaven, because they have faith. They accept that their time was limited with David; but that those moments were cherished.
He touched on; just because M&K accept what happened, accepting doesn't mean they can't be Angry. Doesn't mean that anyone here can't be Angry; You can be Angry, but you still need to talk to God. You still need to pray.
If you stop communicating with him, you won't be angry with him, you will only be angry with yourself.
He said Faith is what keeps people together in times of loss. He said M&K have huge faith, to bear this cross, accept the loss of their child, and freely give him to God.
He gave everyone there 2 "assignments" if you will. Pray for M&Kand David, and to keep the lines of communication open with God.
The other thing I haven't questioned.. or asked WHY ?
So I gave birth on 1/21/15.
All the paperwork I came home with, has his DOD as 1/22/15
I do know that something that the doctor signed on 1/21 had to be re-written on 1/22 cuz something was not written correctly. . .
Why you ask did I not ask WHY? What? 1/22 was the March for LIFE..
I'm Okay with that being his DOD on record. I know there were a LOT of people at the March praying for him.
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flowers from another group of coworkers.
So the first reading was from Isaiah, it was about ending death. going back today to find the exact passage, I was skimming and I realized, Fr. Paul picked that cuz he knew I would go back & read the entire book of Isaiah now.. I guess something to do in the next few weeks at home.
The gospel.. I cried thru, no recollection of it any more.. sorry.. I got it together after that.. that was my only crying spell during the mass.
So for music.:
Opening: I Have Loved You.
Psalm : To You O Lord, I Lift my Soul, to you, I lift my soul.
Offertory: You are Near
Communion Hymn: Eye has not seen
Closing: O God Beyond All Praising
I kind of was complacent, with the music, they had a check list with 5-6 "popular" songs to pick from in each category.. The closing song was not in the check list but they made it happen.
on Eagles Wings was in every category..
There were a lot of tissues used during the mass.. I could hear the sniffles behind me.. except for the gospel I was strong & kept composed. At the end of the mass after the Closing song was done, the funeral director ( sweet man ) got my coat, and then removed David's baby urn out of the ossuary. He was place in a plastic urn, the remains of an infant are not substantial, therefore we have never ordered an adult size urn ( i don't know that they make baby urns ) The urn was in the ossuary, which is a wooden Chapel, looking vessel, to hold him in during the mass. So once David was out of the ossuary, we processed out, and so many people cried seeing him walk out in our arms.
Hubs & I took one a flower arrangement to Mary, and then we exited to our car, and made the 1 mile drive to the cemetery, where everyone gathered at the grave. We are able to put David in the grave with my dad & Andrew. So for the baby urns, they only make about a 3 foot hole. Fr. Paul, did the graveside prayers. The sun appeared, the birds were chirping. I had held him so tightly when we left the church, the entire drive to the cemetery. I knew it was be his only trip in the car with us. We had just taken his car seat out of the car the day before. I felt at peace, I knelt down on the ground and placed his little urn in the ground. As customary in old days, we put the first shovel of earth on him in the grave. We allowed our parents, relatives & anyone else who wanted to shovel a scoop of earth on him to do so. Fr. Paul, explained as people were doing this, that this is a good example of the corporal works of mercy. I would guess about 30 people at the grave site, put a scoop of earth on David.
We left the cemetery, and headed to lunch at a nearby restaurant.
After hearing the homily, not ONE person, asked WHY? No one asked, well do you know why it happened, what do they suspect? So many people said I'm glad you have each other! So many people reminded us of the homily. Some even said, if you are ever angry, call me, I'll listen, I'll pray for you, but don't stop praying & communicating with God. No one asked are you going to try again..
Prayer card.
