First of all, it's 3am and I can't sleep. I assume partly due, to the fact, that hubs is still out plowing & I miss his warmth in the bed.
When I was at the doctor & found out a week ago, that peanut no longer had a heartbeat, I was devastated.
The next night, I had visions that my dad had greeted him ( I think it's a boy) in heaven, and was rocking him to sleep. It was comforting to know that peanut was not alone. It was also comforting to know that coming up on the anniversary of his passing, that I had given my dad a gift of a grandchild, that he could enjoy in heaven.
When I scheduled my surgery, a weel ago, there was a 10% chance of snow that day. Hubs said, go for it. It was the only that my doctor had available, as he is leaving out of town after that. As the day got closer the % of snow got greater & greater. I started to worry, not about me, but logistics of getting to the hospital. Hubs, is 100% dedicated to his company & if I wanted would have put everything on the line ( like loosing customers ) to come & be with me at the hospital, but I made the choice to ask someone else to take me. I told hubs that the safety of others was more important than him holding my hand. Hub, plow a very busy, rehab facility, surgical center, and an old folks home. This has turned out to be a very big & bad snow storm for it being our first one.. He's been out plowing & in the truck for 15 hour now. Which is very unusual. I feel bad that I am not with him, but doctors orders. I felt totally helpless not even being able to shovel a path for my sister coming over last night. Hubs came & checked on me when i got home & I was alone for about an hour span.
Our sweet doctor had just called him too & done a recap with him of everything that went on. The doctor knowing I was scared, cuz hubs wasn't there, said a prayer over me, & held my hand before he began surgery. It was the last thing I remembered before going out. I will see him in 2 weeks to get results & find out for sure what peanut was( gender).
Until then I get to pray & wonder, what would peanut have been, what color would his hair been, would he look like more me or hubs.
What would he ended up being? For now I am comforted that little peanut, is being comforted by papa R in heaven.
I have been praying for you and your hubs every day. I'm so glad that you were given the vision of your father holding your baby up in heaven. God's love and your dad's love are surrounding your little one.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful vision God gave you of your little one and your dad. Praying for your continued recovery and that your DH gets home safely.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you and praying for you and your husband often the last few days!
ReplyDeleteI found my way here from Megan's blog, "A journey through weightloss, dealing with PCOS, and life." I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I think the vision of your father rocking your baby to sleep is just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSorry to clog up your blog with comments when you have never heard from me before...After reading some of your past posts, I see that you use NFP? And you possibly have celiac? My husband and I use NFP as well and I am gluten intolerant (I don't have celiac, but I cannot eat gluten without very bad reactions)! I just thought those similarities were interesting.
DeleteThanks for visiting. I stopped over & visited your blog. I hope your little one incubates a little longer for you.
DeleteI have been praying for you both everyday and offering up my trials when I can for your pain. I will continue to send my prayers your way. I know your dad is watching over your baby until you meet again. ((( hugs )))
ReplyDeleteYou have been in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you, and I pray for peace in your heart in this terrible time. I recently suffered a miscarriage myself, and I know how intense this pain is. May the Lord comfort you.
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