IF Island

I'm back.


It was a horrible week on IF Island

Weather was soo cold. Like highs in the 50's cold. Rainy, dreary, miserable


God has just dealt us so many bummer hands this year.

I cried many tears. I just want to know what I did to deserve this all. So many other things over the week, contributed to the tears. 


I seriously set my bar to zero before the trip and was still sadly disappointed.



What I've learned over the week, I cannot control my emotions anymore. At the slightest bit of disappointment I am a wreck.


Another cycle is down the drain. -- That's another story in itself.


I feel like I need to go to counseling, but I don't think it's all me. How do you convince others that their actions ( or lack there of ) are contributing to your unhappiness.

Physically I'm doing awesome, I have lost 8 lbs in the last month and kept them off while being away.. I've been tracking my steps.. and trying to meet those goals each day.. thinking that might improve my mood.

I just don't know anymore.  For once I would like someone else to make a sacrifice.

Off the Grid

See you in a week or so..

Packing Pro

As you see in the other post, I'm headed out of town.

 

I'm a minimalist in packing to go to the cottage.

I also have to make it fit in one duffle bag.

My pile of stuff to go

 

 

My Way to get the most of my duffle bag-- rolling each outfit

each nicely rolled up, tightly in the duffle bag

Neatly rolled up

Still some socks to fit in.. but plenty of room

 

Finished duffle bag.


See you all in a week.

21 weeks

 In light of what's been published on the web about PP videos,  I feel it is necessary to share these very intimate pictures.

These are very  precious,to me, pictures of my son, Andrew. He was stillborn at 21 weeks; we don't know why my water broke, but he arrived a few weeks too early.  I have never shared, because society has silenced so many about stillbirth and miscarriage.

 

I want those who think PP is doing research on blobs of tissue,  to look, closely.

I don't see blobs of tissue. I see perfectly formed hands, feet, and a perfectly cute nose.

 

I delivered my son, naturally in the hospital. He was not extracted out, nor dismembered into metal trays.  Everything about him was intact,  just petite.

 

Nothing about him is a blob of tissue.

 

His hands are perfectly formed.

 



 

His feet were always kicking away.

 

He had all the features of a newborn at birth, he was just a tad smaller.

 

So you have an idea at 21 weeks, he was 12" long, his head was 6 3/4" circumference.

He weighed just under a pound.  He was considered on target for his gestational age.

 

What I want you to realize today, babies like Andrew, or any 21 week baby. They are not a blob of tissue. They are skin and bones, flesh and blood.

 

I saw his heart beating on ultrasound a minimum of 4 times in his 21 weeks. His heart was beating --faintly a mere hour before delivery.

 

Never was he treated like a science experiment, he was always treated as if he was a precious baby. After delivery he was bathed, foot-printed, and clothed; just as any other infant would.

 

We held him, rocked him, sang to him, just as you would your newborn.

 

I wish more women seeking abortion would take a moment and see what they are really doing. These are not blobs of tissue, science experiments. These are precious children of God.

 

 

 

The pictures are not to be shared without the consent of luckyassunshine.blogspot.com

Please remember these are our precious memories of our child.

I can be reached at luckysunhine25 at gmail dot com

  

Losing Hope.

CD1 --- Nuff said

Past cycle was all wonky again, -- cuz I've had no meds for 2 cycles.


Sent my  OB an email begging him to fill my Femara -- won't know til Tuesday if he does.

I'm a hormonal mess.

If I get my Femara and get to Peak.. oh yeah.. we'll be at the cottage.. sharing tight quarters with many other people.. which makes me think why even bother; cuz I know already, the other half with have performance anxiety with other around.   Now I don't even want to go.. even though this is our only opportunity for anything remotely like a vacation this year.

Feel like I'm at the end of my TTC rope. This is the first summer in 3 years that I haven't been on restrictions.. It's been nice to feel okay & to be able to participate; but yet I feel miserable..

This week will be extra hard for some other reasons.. that I can't go into here, so if you can just say a prayer.


Tried a new GF Hard Cider-- don't like it at all, but don't want to waste a 6 pack.

MIL Speaks

The stuff that comes out of my MIL's mouth I just can't make up..

So here are some snippet's of recent conversations.


MIL: what are you doing next weekend
me: having a garage sale
MIL: what is the Theme of your garage sale
me: get rid of the clutter
MIL: do you need anything to enhance your sale.
me: NO, but if you have anything you need to get rid, of I can put it out.
MIL: well-- is your theme kids stuff .
me: SMH


MIL: When are you going to the cottage
me: aug 21
MIL: Are you going to T's birthday party.  ( on the 22nd )
me: no.
MIL: why?
me: we are going to the cottage.
MIL: so you're not going to T's birthday party.
me: NO

MIL: There are snakes outside at the cottage.
me: so what did you do to try & trap them?
MIL: went inside
me: SMH
MIL: oh yeah "F" got bit by a snake!
me: SMH
me: Any idea why the snakes are there?
MIL: eating the bugs?
me: ((look up on  my phone snakes ))
me: says snakes eat mice.
MIL: silence


MIL: K,C,F, & D were sick for 4 days at the cottage.
me: did you go out & get some Lysol
MIL: no, why?
me: disinfect the place!
MIL: well they didn't throw up inside.
me: ( dreading sleeping in a germ infested cottage)


MIL: thanks for leaving the contractor garbage bags
me: oh did you bag up some stuff & take it to the dump
MIL: NO!
me: what'd you do with them?
MIL: put the blankets & pillows in them, til we go back up in 2 weeks.
me: oh. what about the storage bins ?
MIL: thought those were for winter storage only.
me: SMH
MIL: The contractor bags are nice & thick I don't think the mice can eat thru these ones.
me: SMH


MIL: why are the bugs eating me up ( outside at the bonfire )
me: are you wearing perfume ( can smell it 20 feet away)
MIL: what does that have to do with bugs biting me
me: would you like a long sleeve jacket ?
MIL: no I'm rather warm.
me: (in my head ) -- ((don't complain about the bugs then !!))



Another installment I'm sure soon to come.