I am the last person on the planet who does not have a smart phone, and our work policy does not allow us to go to FB or some blogs while on the work network. So most days I get all the days surprises all at once, when I get home. Today was no exception.
My SIL sent the family a FB message this morning that she & her "clan" are expecting #5. I ran away from FB immediately.. I was soo mad. It's like i'm being punished, or this is some sick cruel joke. The knife in the back, is they got married exactly 3 months before us. They will be celebrating 7 years of marriage this next week. I don't hate her for being so fertile ( well part of me does ) she had surgery w/ Dr. H in her teens for some issues early on. Told her until she got married, she may never know if she can have kids. ( she contemplated becoming a nun). My in-laws are friends w/ Dr. H. but say they will do anything to make it happen if I want to go to Omaha. but when it comes down to it, they always say it's bad timing, etc, etc. I have been in the room & heard Dr. H call & deep down, i'm like just give me 1 minute on the phone w/ him. But back to the SIL. after she had kid #1-10 months after her marriage. I was deeply embarrased.. I must have been doing something wrong, she told me.. ( LOL ) She told me that I needed to practice NFP & i would get prenant in a jiffy. ( I took the classes before we got married --she on the other hand, got a hand-me-down book from her fertile sister, but never learned to chart or anything from anyone) She had kid#2 14 months after kid #1. the others are about 23- months apart. I digress.. She lives 4 hours away. also 3 miles from the closest Na.Pro doc. who also happens to be her obgyn. Conveniently.. My in-laws pay for her everything when she comes home, ( gas, food, entertainment, etc) This last time, they were home the parents sent them to a hotel for an overnight.. & they watched all the grandkids. ( hmmm ) guess what they are expecting 9 months from then.... baby #5.. this watching the grandkids & putting them & her sister in a hotel.. has netted by in laws a few kids in the past few years.. I would love for them to send us away for a wekeend ( oh yeah, they can babysit our business too )
I haven't responded to her FB announcement.. probably won't .. She too knows we had a miscarriage at xmas.. Funny thing she made a big deal. about seeing us last weekend.. ( she was in town ) she told the parents then. We didn't have the time, + she brought the flu , along w/ her kids.. + a snow storm. I am so glad I didn't make the time to go see her w/ out my hubby.. I would have lost it. But hey the FB announcment is much better than having to fake it in person. on FB I can ignore her, but in person, I would have to fake smile & pretend to be happy.
Just wait someone else in hubs family will come up pregnant soon, to dig the knife even deeper.
You need a night in a hotel too!!! Ugh. Your inlaws sound like mine. I would be glad that it was on FB and not in person, but it would be hard not to throw the computer across the room. That is infuriating that your SIL said you did something wrong. WTH??? It would be hard not to put her in her place. I am so sorry. You have had a rough night with DH and now this. My DH acts like he is dying if he has to take vitamins occasionally. He couldn't take a shot or be counted on to remember to chart, etc. It is just plain hard to be married sometimes, isn't it? Hang in there. I wish I could do more for you. Here's a virtual hug coming your way. ((((Hug))))
ReplyDeleteThanks for the hugs!!
DeleteI am so sorry! Your would think she would be more sensitive because of your recent loss.
ReplyDeleteIf only it was as easy as staying in a hotel....
I'd take up residence in a hotel, if it were that easy.
DeleteYeah, if only it were so easy just to chart and stay in a hotel! I would have a few choice words for your in laws. It sounds like they favor her because she is super fertile. Ugh, how frustrating for you. A Facebook announcement was probably best. My DH and I don't have smart phones either. Praying for you a lot! ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteKat, the funny part is, my in-laws experienced 10 years of infertility before they had their first biological child. Of all people I think they would be more sensitive.
DeleteThis was one of those announcements that just stings even more when it is CD1. I cried myself to sleep last night..
ReplyDeleteI'm so, so sorry you're going through all of this =( That must hurt so much to not have your family be more sensitive, esp. since they knew about your recent loss. I have pretty strong opinions about Facebook, and one is that an "announcement" is shared so indiscriminately, so that everyone gets it in all the same way - when it would have been so much more thoughtful of your SIL to write you a note, with understanding of your current heartache, or communicated it in some other way than a Facebook headline. (In all seriousness, have you considered leaving FB? I did a few months ago and it's been a relief to not get such announcements in that way.)
ReplyDeleteYour experience makes me think of the gospel from yesterday, about how our Heavenly Father sees our good deeds in secret. Maybe no one else in your family sees or knows about all that you're going through and suffering - but our Heavenly Father knows! He cares! (I meant that as a word of comfort.)
Praying for you and your dh, especially for you two to draw closer together through this trial!
Pregnancy announcements from others are never fun, but this situation sounds extra hard. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteIn one way I'm kinda glad she did it on FB, it won't be as noticeable to "the broader" group of people that we didn't respond, because SOO many people respond. My husband ignores the phone when she calls, because she is his sister & he still finds her annoying. So with this kind of news, she will call insistently until someone answers & she can be all bubbly & share her WONDERFUL news. Had it not been CD1 it probably woulnd't have been this heavy on my heart. Heck, I was hopeful last week & was shopping for maternity clothes for myself ( a girl can dream )
ReplyDeleteOh, how dreadful. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that all....and while you're still healing from your own recent miscarriage on top of IF. Sending hugs and prayers your way. Oh...my DH and I don't have Smart phones either:-)
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry K. Yeah, family fertility issues (well, everyone else seems to be fertile except for me) can be a huge sore spot for me as well. Sounds like it was a blessing in disguise that they came "out" on facebook. Sending more hugs and prayers your way!!!!
ReplyDeleteUgh! Those are so rough! I'm sorry. :(
ReplyDelete