This is a great article about pregnancy after loss.
23 Things No One Ever Told Me
#9, 14, 16 hit a note for me.
I always -always have anxiety about doctors appointments. So far I have been able to book my OB and Maternal Fetal Appointments on the same day, and within an hour of each other, which for me, helps ( not only the mileage), but my stress level, I've started at MFM first, with the ultrasound, see MFM, and then head over to my OB. Last pregnancy he didn't have office hours on the same day as MFM, so I was having to go 2 separate days, and anxiety would build up in between. I don't know if he rearranged his schedule for me ( maybe fingers crossed ), but I feel I am getting better at the stress level.
Concentration is at an all time low. I could care less about work. My attitude of lately is -- it's just work. It'll be there tomorrow. I spend most nights playing solitaire. When I'm sure I could be doing something more productive like folding laundry, emptying the dishwasher, working on our taxes or cleaning Lizards room.
Fear -- OMG. even though I've given birth technically twice now. I still greatly fear, contractions( which I never really had -- because I was induced early ) I fear strong willed nurses who don't care about my wishes and desires for birth, my doctor not being there for some strange reason -- (my 2 deliveries have been with people I've never met before ) I fear that I go into labor at work ( highly unlikely) having to drive 40 minutes in labor ( done that before) and my husband not making it ( been very close on that one too )
I have reminders on my calendar at work, just counting the weeks ( days ) 13-14 weeks to go in my estimation.
Have anything to add to the list ?
Have you ever considered a doula? I loved having one my second go around and I just wonder if having someone else in your corner who can speak up during your labor for you wouldn't be a good idea. Maybe you could find someone in your area who would be a good match. Either way I think you are doing a great job and we will be keeping you wrapped in prayer daily!
ReplyDeleteYes we have a doula who we took our birth classes with. My husband is not 100% on board, with having someone in the room with us, but she lives like 5 minutes from the hospital, and I know I can have her there in a jiffy if I decide to. Our doctor has been 100% on board with our wishes, it's just that the last 2 times, he's been unexpectedly out of town, for our unexpected deliveries. He's not expected out of town for May or June.. so we should be good.
DeleteAwesome! My husband wasn't sold on the idea either but it turns out to be the best thing ever. She was the voice of reason and did all the work so Scott could just focus on me and helping me labor. And our doctor wasn't there since she came so fast and I probably would have been a mess but our doula was brilliant and calm which transferred to me. Scott was retroactively very happy we had her! I am glad your doctor will be with you!!
DeleteMan, I totally understand all of your fears and anxieties. I think you are one of the toughest ladies I "know" (as much as I can know!). Keep you chin up and keep moving forward...you're doing great!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I just read that article...woah. Amazing. So spot on, and I can totally relate to every single one of those (wish I couldn't!). Thanks for sharing.
DeleteOh wow yes, that article is spot on for me. The time moving sloooowwwwly... Each hour... Minute... just felt like forever, and my concentration at work definitely sucked too. Being jealous of pregnant women even though I was pregnant, Yep. Heh. And that being pregnant made me miss our first baby even more- because it let me know what I had missed out on with him. I would add, wanting the baby to come early- 34, 35, 36, 37 weeks- just so you can look at her and know she's ok rather than having to wait for a little kick. This time it does help to have Maria, and it also helps(?) that we have had a crazy (distracting) month with an unplanned cross country trip, cancelled flights, lots of illness etc. Mine was an early loss though--I just can't imagine what you are going through, and I pray for you so so often. I check your blog sometimes just to see how many weeks you are and count down with you!! I will pray especially for your fears, and will try to offer my first trimester discomforts for you this week!
ReplyDeleteNumber 1 for me...every month I'm not pregnant the cycle of despair starts over, then trying to pick myself up and start trying again. Then rhe agonizing two weeks praying and begging God to be pregnant, only to be let down and have it all start over. And magnified times a million because of how much I miss Lily.
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