10 days

I have survived 10 days.

Friday, I had a follow up w/ my doc. He is very sweet. He started & ended with a hug.
I was lucky enough to get some more "infection" related meds. Can you bet how thrilled I am.
He also prescribed me something for anxiety. Hubs & I had a long talk when I got home. He wasn't thrilled that I got the script filled, but I told him I would let him keep the pills, & if we both decided I needed them, then WE could decide together. He has fears/known too many people getting addicted to them. ..  The other nice part of my appointment, I cleared my conscience. I told him one of the things dragging on my heart, was guilt. Guilt for not knowing, did I do all in my power to avoid the "negative" outcome. He assured me that it was in God's hands, and had I been in his office & my water broke the way it did, there would have been nothing he could have done to save Drew.  We didn't get to talk about any of the test results, because not everything is back, so we meet with him in 4 weeks. I told him I didn't feel comfortable of talking about a "next time" cuz I just was too hurt & didn't know if I could endure that again. By the end of the appointment, I was open to discussing "next time" he just has that way of putting me at ease. We did talk a little how about a next time would go. ( meaning - a LOT - more appointments.) More bloodwork & more ultrasounds, progesterone support, circlage, etc. ( unless the bloodwork after losing Drew, shows something major) after my miscarriage, the tests showed nothing.......Ok, I'm done speculating what's going on..


Today Hubs & I worked together all day.. No crying all day! It's a yearly appointment, that had to be kept.   I told him I think I can get thru the first day back to "my" work if he comes with me.. ( which can't happen )

Today is also the "anniversary" of us finding out we were pregnant w/ Sammy.. it's all a little too close to losing Drew.