I very much know how hard it can be to see pregnant women. Sometimes it seems like they are just everywhere. It's ok to be jealous!
Just remember, you don't know if this is their first child, or first child after many losses. You don't know if they have suffered a loss ( or multiple losses) before they have been able to visibly carry this child. This visible child they are carrying, may be their only child they may get to meet in the physical world.
You may want to be angry, because they are pregnant and not you. Just remember you don't know all that they have gone thru to reach this point. I don't want downplay all that IF'ers have to suffer and go through, by any means at all.
Feelings are okay to have, just learn to be happy for them. It's not easy.. trust me I know this!!
The "announcement" phone calls, FB posts; may not come at the right time.
In good faith, be happy for them ( in your own time ). The Happy may not come right away, but you will feel better if you live a Happy Life. Living a life of jealousy, hatred, and being angry; just lead to you being unhappy.
That's a very good point. And even if they haven't struggled with IF, that doesn't mean that they haven't struggled with something else that you can't tell by looking at them.
ReplyDeleteGood advice - it's hard not to be jealous but you're right about it not making you happy.
ReplyDeleteI remember how hard it was to be happy for others when I had plummeted to the depths of my grief. My own sister had a baby boy just 6 weeks after we lost our Gregory. I wanted to see him and hold him and be happy. I put on a good face, but the happiness wasn't there for awhile. Not the true happiness. I will always cherish the memory I have of the first time I met Gunnar and held him. I sobbed and sobbed and my sister sat next to me, her arm around me and sobbed with me. It really was a bittersweet moment.
ReplyDeleteYou have written wise words here.
Jealousy has never made me feel happy but sometimes one just can not help it. A few weeks ago...at our marriage community gathering a new couple (very young) joined us, they were married a year and they joyfully told us they were expecting...it was the wrong time of the month for me (can't help that) and my dh could tell I needed to leave...so we made up some excuse and went home. We weren't having a good time that night anyways and that just was the icing on the cake..so yes, I don't know their situation however I have my own heart and happiness to protect. I didn't want to hear about it I didn't want to cry either... so....sometimes, I think it's okay to leave and say nothing. I think with all the news of how many more couples experience IF nowadays...one could be a little compassionate about pg announcements and not believe everyone can have children. Especially in situations where you may not know every one like the couple I referred to earlier.
ReplyDeleteI always hope for more compassion in my everyday living...compassion will bring on more happiness and less jealousy. I can pray for that.
This is so true! Thank you for sharing! You are such a strong woman!
ReplyDeleteVery true.
ReplyDeleteYou make an excellent point! Thank you for making me consider this possibility. In the past I would have not thought about it.
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