Joy & Sorrow

So the Joy's in my life at the moment.
+My 2nd niece or nephew is due Dec 21. ( well on my husband's side we have 14). 
+Got to see my beautiful Goddaughter & Godson over the Thanksgiving holiday.(they live out of state)
+All my siblings will be home for Christmas.

When I was little, this was the most magical time of year. You see, I was born 2 days before Christmas, on Christmas Eve, my parents were told that I may not live, & I had to be transferred to another hospital. My mother was not able to leave the hospital, but my dad was insistent that I not be alone. In the following years, Santa visited my house every year on my Birthday! I was always told that Santa visited the houses of little girls that had birthday's really close to Christmas. As I got older I looked forward to the Candy Cane filled with Hershey kisses and the special time with a family friend who arrived with Mrs. Claus. When I blew out the candles on my birthday, I always wished for a White Christmas - Snow!  Fast forward a few years, when I turned 29, my birthday & Christmas took a big turn. My birthday came and went, I hadn't got a phone call from my dad, It was very unusual, but I figured his work was keeping him away and busy. I ended the day, saying that I would see him tomorrow for sure. Why not?  It was Christmas Eve of course. I woke, busied myself with the "stuff" that comes with being Christmas Eve, wrapping, last minute gift buying, baking cookies, etc. But no call from my dad; my parents were divorced, and it was my mom's weekend with my younger siblings so we headed to the 4:30 Christmas Eve mass; my lil sister and I decided on the way home that we would drop by my dad's house and drop off some cookies & his present. He had to work on Christmas, so we wouldn't get to see him in the morning. As we pulled in, I got this pit in my stomach.  His car was parked; I rang the phone, he didn't answer. Well maybe he car-pooled with someone to work.  So I got out my key, & we walked up to the locked door, inserted my key, and proceeded in. WoW the TV was on..  I yelled out DAD.. Hey DAD.. Nothing.  There was a pizza box open on the counter w/ 3 slices left in it.  The pit in my stomach now felt like a huge boulder.  I walked up the stairs, my lil sister raced up around me. As I turned the corner I could see his foot hanging off the end of the bed. I yelled again Hey DAD!  My sister ran up & shook him to wake him. When I saw his foot I froze. I immediately ran for my phone & called 9-1-1.  There was nothing I could have done, he passed, alone, in his bed. According to the funeral director, probably 24 hours before we found him, quickly, so it wasn't painful.  His heart gave out. So even though his death certificate says Date of Death 12/24, I know had everything been ok, he wouldn't have forgotten to  call me on my birthday. A blizzard ensued on the day of the funeral.   My 30th birthday came & I didn't want to do anything. When I was 31, I got married, my dad was not there to walk me down the aisle; he didn't get to see the joy in my heart. on my 35th birthday, my husband threw me a surprise party, because he loved me & wanted to bring joy back to my birthday. It was lovely, when I blew out the candles on my cake, I wished for one thing, one last phone call with my dad. After everyone left and the house was cleaned up, the phone rang, my grandfather, who had been plaged with Alzheimers for the last 15 years, had left us on Earth, and join my father in Heaven. I was spending another Christmas at the funeral home. The snow came a few days later. The day of his funeral it was a blizzard. The snow was coming down 2" an hour. The Navy honor guard did TAPS indoors.  This year it will be 2 years since my grandpa, and 8 years since my dad joined the Saints in Heaven. I ball my eyes out when I hear TAPS.. On Christmas Eve, I cry thru the entire mass.

Recently I found, in a box of my dad's important pictures/ papers, the visiting guidelines for the neo-natal intensive care unit from when I was in the hospital as an infant. It just amazed me that he kept something like that!

This time of year brings out many emotions and memories for me, but I will say that I am doing better this year than I have in past. I just pray that my sisters new little one picks a different day, than 12/23 to make it's entrance into the world.