Thank you everyone for wrapping us in prayers.
I got home Friday, the docs, suggest getting back to "normal", but I am confused as to what "normal" should be.
So if it is "normal" I had chocolate chip cookies for dinner, because that's what I thought "normal" was.
So if it is "normal" we went to bed at 9 pm. & I was happy to sleep in my bed, with all my pillows & no IV forcing my left arm at my side. So if it is "normal" I got up at 8am on a Saturday morning, took a shower, and had oatmeal for breakfast. So my normal Saturday was going to the funeral home, to make my son's funeral arrangements. So yeah, if that's normal, that's what my "normal" was today. I've had to sit in the same room before, to plan my dad's funeral. Now making my son's arrangements was not in my plan. But we decided to cremate Andrew and a week from Monday, when my in-laws are back, we will have a graveside service for him. His urn, will be placed, in my dad's arms, ( on top of my dad's casket ) at the cemetery. Simple, one place to go visit them both.
If it's normal I've only gone 2 hours withouth spontaneously crying..
I thought normal was registering for all the needs for our baby last week, but apparently this week, it's preparing for his funeral.
I've decided that I'm going to work from home this week, to be honest, I want my normal to not include so many intrusive people asking me 100's of times, how i'm doing, & dressing up & having to pretend to be happy. I just want to sit in my yoga pants & t-shirt & eat break & bake chocolate chip cookies.
No one's normal should include having to plan funeral arrangements for their stillborn son. I am so sorry. I am holding you close in prayer.
ReplyDeletePraying so hard for you and your husband during this hard time!!!
ReplyDeleteOh I am so so sorry. I know there's nothing else to say and I know nothing I would say would help you feel better. I am praying for you. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI have tried making comments before, but could not. My heart is just sick for the terrible tragedy you and your husband is enduring. There are no easy answers, questions, or words to say just how sorry we all are for the loss of your precious Andrew (by the way, I love his name). There are moments in our lives that just plain knock us down and make us feel like we simply cannot endure the ugliness that we are being asked to accept. This is one of those times. Please, as much as you can, be easy on yourself. I don't understand all of the emotions you are encountering right now, but I do know you are being held in prayer. In the days after we lost Nicky (in 2009) I did not understand how I would be able to go on, but somehow, I kept waking up each day and God walked beside me in my pain . . . He will be there for you too, even if all you can do is scream, cry, fall down in sorrow, or simply just be silent. You are not alone, we love you and are offering up sacrifices for your healing hearts. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI agree with JBTC. No normal should include funeral plans. I think working from home is an extremely wise choice. Give yourself what you need as you still try to process all that you've been through in the past few days. Holding you close in thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteContinued prayers for you and your hubby. I am so sorry you have to plan your son's funeral :( Praying so much for you right now.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and your husband. I am so sorry!
ReplyDeleteNobody's "normal" should include burying a child. I am so, so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you can work from home this week. It sounds better than facing the comments and questions people have. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteWords cannot convey my sadness on visiting your blog today and reading about what has transpired. And words will never, never be able to convey how you must feel, how much love and sorrow there is, and the pain of them both entwined.
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew what more I could do, but please know I will be praying fervently.