Selfless

Today,  was filled with many selfless acts.

I used a precious vacation day, to watch carpet be layed at my grandma's house. One step closer to being done.

Wallpaper circa 1970's wish I had the heart to wallpaper over, but it's just a symbol of grandmas basement. I did paint the molding light brown, it was royal blue before.  

I helped my husband by dropping some bid packets off at potential customers. 

 

Also went to the post office for him, and picked up one of the work trucks from the Collison shop. 

 

At  noon today, I get a call from church.

 

We have your husbands cell phone! 

 

I was puzzled but said I'd be right up to get it. Arrive at the office, as I thought, not my husbands. It's my father in law's. So while at the office I call their house and they don't answer, so I said to the Secretary, that I would take it and get to him.  He lives and dies for/by this phone.

If I had enough courage, I could have snagged Dr Hilgers cell phone #, but I was good and resisted the temptation.

My mother in law, comes to my grandma's house to retrieve the phone. We chat. So she tells me first that she's still really mad for taking David.  She says that's why I've been going to church everday  "still talking to God, just mad at him" . A priest she's been talking to, says she might get some of her anger out by going to the cemetery; he told her it's a great place to talk it out with him.  He said get mad & talk to him at the cemetery.  She said she wants to go before Easter.  I said if u need , me to go, let me know. I reminded her that David is in the back and Andrew in the front. There are clear indentations in the grass where each one is.

So since she was kinds vulnerable and in a talkative mood, I let her know that hubs, was disappointed specifically that his godfather ( her brother) --very prolife, leader hasn't acknowledged David.  No call, no email, no card, nothing! She had  no excuse. She had no idea. I said mr. Lucky is very hurt by it. I said we drove 11 hours for his birthday last year, we acknowledge his grandchildren,  one just a week ago. She asked if I knew that this uncle/godfather also lost a child at 7 months to stillbirth. I said no. I said at the very least he should know what Mr. Lucky is going thru and say or do something to support him.

 

 

Back to my grandma's at dinner time to walk out all the bubbles in the carpet.  ( it's glued down on the basement floor, so it had some bubbles, til it all adheres )

As I was leaving my grandmothers...

I saw a post come from my hubs about vividly remembering where he was 9 weeks ago today.

Then I get the message from my sister in law, that on this the feast of the annunciation she is happy to announce that they are expecting #9.

 

Huge blow. I just break down and cry.

I'm having a huge Why? Moment. The timing of her due date, puts here at conceiving right around the time we lost. Why does God do things to us like this. Why did he chose them and not us. Does he think she's a better mother, does he hate us for some reason.  Just things I won't understand. 

I haven't responded yet. This is another one of those strings of group texts that I despise!! 

All the while, yesterday, hubs and I have been pondering , him more than me, writing a letter to family. Kind of along the lines of the " I said yes" blog post that has been floating around. Explaining our 9 years of marriage and all the times we have been selfless instead of selfish. All the   struggles, and heart ache. Also to give them advice on how to approach announcements like this, we knew it would eventually happen.  His sisters mate like rabbits ( no holds barred) sorry a little bitter here tonight. We will probably still do it, but now it will sound like we are bitter if we send it now.

The only thing more I will say about my sister in law. I think it is very careless,  to bring another soul, when you have 8, when your husband is out of work, when you don't work , when you are constantly asking for help from your parents. You will vacation  to the family cottage, with out spending a dime or lifting  a finger. We however, will feel guilty again and end up contributing our share, plus additional, because we are viewed as the selfish ones, because we don't have 10 mouths to feed.   Rant done ( for now)  no Intibitions courtesy of.......