I am the face of Infertility, Miscarriage and Stillbirth

I am the face of Infertility, Miscarriage and Stillbirth -repeat pregnancy loss

I'm Sorry

Four dreaded words any person hates to hear.

There is no heartbeat!

When you suffer infertility, it is even more devastating. Not only is the precious gift you finally conceived after years of hopes, dreams, and treatments that you have been carrying in your womb; not coming home with you. You are not certain if your body can get pregnant again.

My struggle to find the issues and combat the issues to get pregnant, took almost 6 years. I was soo excited to find out I was pregnant with Sam in the fall of 2012. Only to hear those dreaded words right before Christmas, there is no heartbeat. Tests were run, but no definitive cause of miscarriage was determined. We were given the okay to try again, when we were ready.

We used the same cocktail of vitamins and hormone pills; and six months later we found out I was expecting twins.. Double the blessings. Blessing turned into dismay at ten weeks we heard, I'm sorry, Baby B has no hearbeat.. Baby A ( Andrew) was growing fine. So once you have losses and you are over a certain age threshhold, you see the doctor a little bit more often.

Things seemed to be cruising along; being cautious in everything I did. No lifting, no extreme exercise, no sushi, no coffee. No ! No ! No! was all I heard. At 21 weeks, I had a funny sensation.. Couldn't be my water breaking, no it's too early is what they all said. Went to the L&D to get checked out. The on call doctor, told me nothing was wrong, and I should go home & relax for the rest of the day. The next morning things still felt funny, so I stayed home & called the doctor. Trying not to be that patient that called for every little thing that felt weird. Nicely he said come in and I'll check things out. Sadly that afternoon, the doppler was silent, and I heard those dreaded words: I'm sorry - there is no heartbeat. I was in disbelief, picking out cribs turned into, deciding on a funeral home to use, and where to bury our son.

We sought the opinion of some more doctors to see if there was a piece of the puzzle missing. No, sorry, we have no explanation.  So we are told to wait til we are mentally prepared to try again.

So 6 months later, we find out we are pregnant again. This time we take things one week at a time. Weeks turned into months, months turned into viability, then it turned into 37 weeks.  At 37 weeks and 4 days; I was devastated when I heard, I'm so very sorry, David has no heartbeat. The nurses and doctors know everything about me, except why my baby's heart stopped beating..

I see infertility for so many others this story of having surgery, fixing their issues, getting that magic cocktail, having the miraculous pregnancy annoucement, and going home with a living child. My story may never include the baby coming home from the hospital.

I always prayed to become pregnant. Maybe I didn't make it clear, that I wanted that child to come home with me. I now pray to get pregnant, and bring the baby home.

I pray that no woman has to go thru RPL ( recurrent pregnancy loss) it is a definite cross to bear. I see so many ladies not the same after 1, 2, or 3 losses.



 

We are blessed to have 4 boys, interceding for us in Heaven. One day we will be reunited with them. 
.

St. Gianna Pray For us

St. Gerard Pray For us


Saints: Sam, B, Andrew, and David Pray for us



My story is just one of many women sharing their story this week.  To read more on the faces of infertility please visit:  Melodys Harmonies