Memorializing our saints

This is going to be 2 part.. A)What I did as a parent, to honor our sons in our daily lives and our house.   B) What you can offer, send, do for others in their time of loss.

 

I struggled with what to do, to have a lasting memory of our David. I have pictures, which are priceless, but I needed something that when I see it, reminds me of him.

 

Since his funeral, we've had pictures of hubs & I holding David on our mantle.  Be honest, if we have someone over, hubs puts them away. We have shadow boxes with momentos for each of our boys, but they are not out on public display either. Leads me to the crosses in our hallway; I have one for Samuel, I purchased it at a store it says For this child I have prayed. 1 Samuel 1:27.  It was the perfect fit, Sam was our first child, after many long years of IF.  The other crosses are gifts, some as momentos from trips; Italy, Germany. I have 2 different Irish crosses. I have 2 more that I received after David passed that will go up on the wall. One is of shells that are from the beaches in Florida, and another was a gift that is made of twine/burlap.

 

So I set out to the craft store and found this cross, it's of a memory box brand. The hard task, was what do I put in each box to symbolize David.

So finished project looks like this.  Rock, is heart shaped; hubs and I found on a beach symbolizing we are solid. David is in a frame in the center.  Bottom, peanuts in the shell; his nickname the entire pregnancy. Right side: M&M's hubs loves them, I would treat myself to maybe 1 a day; when I found out I was gest diabetic; self control!  Rose blossoms on the left.

                  

 

I have different cross that I am working on for Andrew, much different. When it's ready I'll post pictures. Sorry it has nothing to do with chocolate or nuts.

 

 

So shortly after David's funeral, we were blessed with so many kind gifts, and some monetary gifts for us to do with as we chose. So with the majority of the money, we donated to a charity we felt really close to our heart, and that we are assured will help many babies be saved. We did set aside a small bit to purchase a tree to go in our yard.  A living reminder of our boys.  Begrudgingly my husband let me go to the tree farm. 

 

Tree farm was very peaceful.. We rode around on a golf cart, perusing the rows. We decided, and tagged a beautiful Sunset Red Maple tree for our little guys. In the fall it will give us nice red foilage.  Tagged means it's ours, we( hubs ) has to go back with the big rig to pick it up. Our yard is way too wet to drive on yet, so it will sit on the farm a little longer, til we can plant it.

I also had a keychain made for hubs, and a necklace for me from Held Your Whole Life with their names on them.

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 Sooo, I've had a few people privately contact me and ask: 

 

I'm at a loss, what do I do? 

 

What can I send? 

 

My ((friend, BFF,coworker,sister,sister-in-law))  just had a miscarriage, stillborn, fullterm loss, baby passed during childbirth. What do I do?

 

Some of  the questions I ask before I offering up some suggestions.

 

Are you near or far?

How close are you to them? Friend you haven't seen in 5 years, or BFF you see every day!

Do they have other children?

Do they have support from family/friends nearby?

Are they still in the hospital themselves?

Do they have any medical limitations?

 

Above all, PRAY for them.

That is the least you can do for them.

 

 Practical

Some of the practical things I offer up: Offer to bring a meal, make a meal to leave for another day, offer to watch their children, or better yet, get them out of the house to give them some quiet time when they return home. Remember in some of those cases, they are physically recovering from a surgery or birth.  Offer to pick up groceries for them, clean their house, clean a bathroom, do the dishes, do some laundry. Offer to pick their other kids up from school; shuttle them to after school activities. Offer to stop by & just chat. Sit and talk, sit and listen. Chances are they might just want someone to tell their story too. It may not mean you have to contribute a word, they just may need to tell someone their story from the past few days.

 

Some other things we received practically that were unique; movie passes, dinner gift cards, a heart necklace, books, cd's of music selected for us, edible arrangement, hotel visit. We also received some inspirational artwork.

 

If they are still in the hospital, a visit to them, a care package. In one of our losses we were there unexpectedly and had nothing with us, and the 2nd we had a bag packed for delivery, but not with the stuff we might have needed for a loss. They might need help with kids, if they are still in the hospital. Snacks, phone chargers, or reading material. With Andrew I was stuck in for several long boring days, waiting for my infection to go away.

 

 For some sending a gift seems appropriate. We received many flowers:

I tried to keep something from the various arrangements ( like you will find the butterfly in a shadowbox)

This came in a beautiful white vase with a cross on it.

 

This thing stood like 4' tall

This was sent by a special group of ladies, this was one of 2 living arrangements we received. It still takes up residence in our living room, and livens up our days. The group specifically wanted a peace lily in it. Ladies the Lily is still going strong !!

 

Spiritual things I offer as advice; have a mass said for them, enroll them in a perpetual mass, offer up something for them. Send them a spiritual bouquet. Say the rosary for them. Spend an hour in adoration praying for them. We received blessed medals and holy cards from special shrines related to mothering, loss, and babies.

 

 

 

 

Secular memorial ideas:

 

I love this thoughtful gift I was sent by my cousin. They are windchimes.. The hang tag is engraved with our boys names on it. They play a sweet lullaby. Don't read the lullaby unless you have a tissue. I have them hanging outside my family room window. Even with the windows closed, I can hear them making music in the wind.