Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Suppressing



So one of the sensitive issues for me after David's birth, was what to do with my milk. I was full term.  So there was no question that it would come in. 

Breastfeeding was something I wanted so desperately to do with David. I had read books, articles, tons of articles, talked to some fabulous bloggers. I had ordered & received a pump so I would be prepared to go back to work. I was pro mama and pro breastfèeding for all the wonderful benefits for baby. 

So then I have no baby to feed, and then , this story had been flying around the Internet about a courageous Teen Mother , who had given her child up for adoption.  She also was educated during her pregnancy about the benefits of breastmilk.  She made the decision to pump her milk after placing the child for adoption.  She pumped and shipped the milk to the family.

I have read stories about women who have lost their child, who pumped and donated to milk banks. If you had mentioned this 2 years ago, I would have so been that lady. Now that I am in the position to pump for someone else, I just can't.  Physically I am sure I could have. Mentally I couldn't.  I am sorry to any of you adoptive mama's who rely on milk banks, or anyone else that might rely on them. I am just not emotionally strong enough to do it.  

I will just suffer silently with ice packs in my sports bra. 
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11 comments:

  1. MariaFebruary 19, 2015 at 1:52 AM

    I am so sorry :( When my milk came in, that was one of the hardest times for me. It was just another reminder that my baby was in heaven instead of my arms - and it was a physically painful one at that. I too felt like I wanted to donate, but emotionally I just couldn't do it. Be gentle with yourself you have endured more than any momma should have to. Sending a big (but gentle) hug!

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    1. Lucky as SunshineFebruary 19, 2015 at 5:32 PM

      Thanks Maria.. I give credit to the ladies who can do it..

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  2. prayerfuljourneyFebruary 19, 2015 at 1:17 PM

    I feel choosing to bank your milk is a very personal choice for each mother to make....I don't blame you for not doing it and in no way should you be sorry. I agree with Maria..be gentle with yourself and you have endured so much. Praying for you!

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    1. Lucky as SunshineFebruary 19, 2015 at 5:33 PM

      Thank you.. as future adoptive mama, i'm glad you understand..

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  3. MadelineFebruary 19, 2015 at 8:40 PM

    I don't think you should feel the need to apologize. Every single situation is different and in this one you opted against it. You can only do so much and I think you're doing amazing right now.

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  4. All in His Perfect TimingFebruary 19, 2015 at 11:12 PM

    I agree with Madeline ~ I don't think you need to feel like you should either.
    The emotional part, as you said, would be too tough. You have been so tough already.
    <3

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  5. Stephanie @ Blessed to BeFebruary 20, 2015 at 1:00 PM

    You're so sweet to even think of donating your milk! But you definitely need to do what's best for you right now, and I can't even imagine how emotional it would be to pump after losing David. Please don't beat yourself up about not being able to do it. It sounds like most women who donate milk have not been through what you've been through. So please don't feel like you're a failure for not being able to do it. You're doing exactly what's right right now. <3

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  6. KellieFebruary 24, 2015 at 10:46 AM

    I really thought I could donate after I lost Lily, but I just couldn't. The emotions, the hormones, the energy it would take...I didn't have it. I think when you are that emotional or stressed, it would be even harder.

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